is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
