Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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