Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
