If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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