A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
