I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
