We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
