I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
