honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
