WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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