that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
being pregnant is like rehab
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
