man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
