Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
