I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think my moral compass just broke
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
