And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
