I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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