My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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