hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
