apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
