I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
