spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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