First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
