sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
