stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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