also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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