Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
