You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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