Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
