sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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