We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
