I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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