just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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