hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
