Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
