The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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