I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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