I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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