JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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