You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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