He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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