Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
