fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
