we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize