I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
