dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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