Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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