he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Holy shit dude........stairs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
