just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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