apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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