we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
