i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
