I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
