hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i think im in europe. pls send help
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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