Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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