she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
