drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
