she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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