I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
