I could make wine with my vomit
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
