just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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