She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize