He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
