Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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