best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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