He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
