I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
