my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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