I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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